Happy Beaver Full Moon


Full Beaver Moon

By Tara Sutphen

The Full Beaver Moon (Native American) at 25*Taurus will culminate November 17, 2013 7:16am PST/10:16am EST (Farmers Almanac).

This Beaver Full Moon is bringing us in touch with why we came to earth to experience being human. We’re either trying to wrap our heads around why we are here or we shake our heads and can’t find a good reason why. But we do know, we have the wants and desires. And maybe we’d like to gain insight into why we’ve come into contact with the people, places and things that matter to us. We want to live more, not less. We want to touch and encounter more of what our lives are to be. And we just want…more…

     Two years ago the Beaver moon fell on 11.11.11 — it was an occasion of stepping into the benefits of the world. A gateway of stimulus, and fortunate epoch of beneficence, insight and magnetism, it’s as though the heavens know when we need an extra dose of optimism and therefore decides it’s time to illuminate the dark states we often find ourselves in. In 2012 the Beaver Moon reminded us to communicate with each other, it was an Annular Eclipse, needing to change or let go of something holding us back. In 2013 this Beaver Moon is bringing us another intense message of awakening. Out of 360*, this is one of the most powerful placements. We are energetic beings and when we use this time to align our mind, heart, and soul to connect with the gravitational pull and the magnificence of life, it can help release our blocks. Set free all those issues that hold us in a stagnant place of disquiet, nonsense, unhappiness, or dissatisfaction. This Full Moon energy at this intensity level will never be at this aspect again in this life…If you were to sorce on one moon in your lifetime. This one is the One!

    If your weather doesn’t allow you to see the moon, you know it is full in the world…set your feet on the ground, and sorce and pray. If you have been suffering with your health or any problem, set the situation free. And with your new liberation, you initiate to greater possibilities. Trust…


Journal Questions:

There is a certain ethic or lifestyle you want to live up to… (write full page in journal at least)

  • Are you conditional (things have to be a certain way)
  • Are you unconditional (easy flow)
  • What kind of manners do you have
  • Do you notice others manners
  • Are you creative, explain if so or why not
  • Do you have kids or want them
  • What makes for a bad life
  • What makes for a great life
  • What is romance
  • Are you romantic
  • What can you change about yourself to be more romantic
  • What do you want to change about yourself to create a great life
  • Do you make enough money
  • How can you make more money
  • Do you spend money on those you love
  • Has money flowed easier in your life when you give to others
  • Or do others take from you
  • But where do you get back from others
  • What can you do to bolster your self esteem
  • What makes you happy

Who are you

  • Spiritually
  • Emotionally
  • Intellectually
  • Materially
  • Physically

To gain back our verve and it’s glorious beautiful moments. Hopefully we can get out of being bored or stuck. We can gauge what kind of intensity and passion is a right attribute. We can start by accepting we belong on the earth at this time. Our self-esteem may think we don’t belong at times, but we are here. We just have to remember, when we give, we trust we will receive. Through our families, friends, work, and general day, we give to get and get to give. The easiest way to become whole within ourselves is to be unconditional. Our expectations can get in our emotional way. We innately know what is right and what is wrong…we feel it in our gut — it is universal law.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”~Maya Angelou

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Standing Before
The Moon Ritual

Meditation & Sleep Programming

Although you would ideally do this meditation outTrack beneath the full moon, you can also experience it by imagining the moon and four directions as you are surrounded with magical energy … a rainbow of light. In the Goddess’ name, you open to the light. You can actually stand up and raise your palms to the sky or imagine this process of being energized and rejuvenated. Facing North you ask for solutions to your problems and experience many blessings. Facing East you seek solutions and prosperity while trusting yourself to make the right choices. Following many blessings, you turn to the South and ask for increased self-esteem and harmonious relationships with the people in your life. After the blessings, you turn to the West to face your destiny and ultimate potentials. Open your mind and release your courage. The ritual ends with the moon as your guiding light on the shadowed path. It illuminates your dreams as you walk steadfast and proceed on your earthly journey with an open heart. Track 2: A beautiful sleep programming version of the ritual. Listen as your cross over into sleep and explore the four directions into your dreams.


TCD15 – $12.99

 


Full Hunters Moon


 

Full Hunters Moon

By Tara Sutphen

 

The Full Hunters Moon (Native American) at 25* Aries will culminate October 18, 2013 4:38PM PDT/ 7:38PM EDT. This Moon is accompanied by an Annular Eclipse, we will need to change or let go of something that has been holding us back, bringing something exciting or illuminating to us.

This Full Hunter’s Moon is about Graceful Movements, “We don’t always know where we are going, but we want a Beautiful Life”. Decisions on what to do, who to be with and where to go…these choices come to the fore often. We could say diversity appears every day, but there are major preferences that mold our lives, and those selections set us on a course of life-long results. Who we choose as mates, jobs, spirituality, wellness, habits, friends, moving residence – this medley sets us in a direction. The old adage “be careful what you wish for” is one to ponder. Any adversity is a sign, and it won’t be one of those times you live up to being a good parent, a good son/daughter, a good employee, a good person…which may be an array of times or every day of your life. Keep moving toward a constructive physical and mental process. We give to get, and get to give. When we share our hearts, our minds, our expertise and our goodness, we receive gifts. Rarely is every day smooth, many times we will be asked to make judgments about people or conditions; having patience, wisdom and perseverance will lead us through and back on track. We are given options, know when those harsh road signs are a set of instructions and can be actually a way out. This Full Moon is asking where you are going and why are you going there…

 

Journal Questions:

Where are you going literally and figuratively:

  1. Are you seeing a self-made movie
  2. Are you feeling fearful or fulfilled about your future
  3. Explain your feelings
  4. Is it a knowing and deep trust that you have a looking glass and can measure the future
  5. Or are you listening to yourself

Are you feeling mystified

  • why

How can you get unstuck

  1. Voice your opinions
  2. Time management
  3. Study skills
  4. Move your body in action

 

 Is there a secret wish you would like to see come to light

  • Why

Why have you chosen: Decipher your real reasons, your distressed reasons, your hopeful reasons, your short term thoughts, your long term thoughts

  • Love
  • Career
  • Job
  • Health
  • Relationships
  • Friendships
  • Happiness
  • Exercise

What would you change and why:

  • Love
  • Career
  • Job
  • Health
  • Relationships
  • Friendships
  • Happiness
  • Exercise

Will you change upcoming and why:

  • Love
  • Career
  • Job
  • Health
  • Relationships
  • Friendships
  • Happiness
  • Exercise

 

 What are your next plans:

  • Spiritually
  • Emotionally
  • Intellectually
  • Materially
  • Physically

Isn’t it time you live the life you long to live. Change back to your ideals and your verve, love those you love, and make decisions that will matter…..

“We need to teach the next generation of children from Day One that they are responsible for their lives. Mankind’s greatest gift, also its greatest curse, is that we have free choice. We can make our choices built from love or from fear.”~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (Swiss-American psychiatrist and author )

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www.MoonSorce.com

Unlock your Creative Flow

Ritual of the Nine Muses

USD $ 14.99

Meditation By Tara Sutphen


“Zing”  — a Magic entering the Mind … Ideas form into thoughts and daydreams.

Muses spark the creative process and stimulate one’s endeavors into fitting ventures. Overcome your obstructions, whether lacking confidence or intangible concepts. Sometimes we can get lost in indefinable and elusive development. In Greek Mythology the Muses gave inspiration to everyone and granted wishes. They have encouraged artists since antiquity, acknowledged for their importance in resourceful innovation and formation.

In this meditation each Muse will grant you her gift, guiding you toward greater resourcefulness and motivation. The Muses inspire inception to the completion of an urge, starting projects from outset to finish. Search for variety of the inner you and your talents, bring your childhood desires into reality. Have you been struggling and need extra support? Let the Muses encourage you in the direction of a greater fate. 30 Minutes.

TS490 — $14.99 ( MP3 FILE )

 

Painting by:
Winifred Nicholson1893-1981


 

Autumn Equinox

 

Autumn Equinox

Happy Mabon – September 22, 2013, the Autumn Equinox. Celebratration of the Harvest – nourishment is essential for all life. As Thanksgiving gives thanks for America and her gifts, Mabon is a time of giving thanks for the World. Exchanging a few words of thankfulness for the food presented us and offer prayers for all people. Our Mabon consists of a dinner table with family and friends. We will say what our best and happiest Summer memories were and what we wish to happen this Fall. Chef Cheyenne will lead a blessing, lighting of the candles and a toasting ritual. We will toast our appreciation for the farmers, markets, cooks and nurturers. We will express our gratitude.

The light of candles cast their glow.

Love & Blessings XOX

Tara Sutphen

  ——————————————————————————–

Mabon
Autumn Equinox, 2nd Harvest, September 21st

Mabon, (pronounced MAY-bun, MAY-bone, MAH-boon, or MAH-bawn) is the Autumn Equinox. The Autumn Equinox divides the day and night equally, and we all take a moment to pay our respects to the impending dark. We also give thanks to the waning sunlight, as we store our harvest of this year’s crops. The Druids call this celebration, Mea’n Fo’mhair, and honor the The Green Man, the God of the Forest, by offering libations to trees. Offerings of ciders, wines, herbs and fertilizer are appropriate at this time. Wiccans celebrate the aging Goddess as she passes from Mother to Crone, and her consort the God as he prepares for death and re-birth.

Various other names for this Lesser Wiccan Sabbat are The Second Harvest Festival, Wine Harvest, Feast of Avalon, Equinozio di Autunno (Strega), Alben Elfed (Caledonii), or Cornucopia. The Teutonic name, Winter Finding, spans a period of time from the Sabbat to Oct. 15th, Winter’s Night, which is the Norse New Year.

At this festival it is appropriate to wear all of your finery and dine and celebrate in a lavish setting. It is the drawing to and of family as we prepare for the winding down of the year at Samhain. It is a time to finish old business as we ready for a period of rest, relaxation, and reflection.

Symbolism of Mabon:
        – Second Harvest, the Mysteries, Equality and Balance.

Symbols of Mabon:
        – Wine, gourds, pine cones, acorns, grains, corn, apples, pomegranates, vines such as ivy, dried seeds, and horns of plenty.

Herbs of Maybon:
        – Acorn, benzoin, ferns, grains, honeysuckle, marigold, milkweed, myrrh, passionflower, rose, sage, solomon’s seal, tobacco, thistle, and vegetables.

Foods of Mabon:
        – Breads, nuts, apples, pomegranates, and vegetables such as potatoes, carrots, and onions.

Incense of Mabon:
        – Autumn Blend-benzoin, myrrh, and sage.

Colors of Mabon:
          – Red, orange, russet, maroon, brown, and gold.

Stones of Mabon:
        – Sapphire, lapis lazuli, and yellow agates.

Activities of Mabon:
        – Making wine, gathering dried herbs, plants, seeds and seed pods, walking in the woods, scattering offerings in harvested fields, offering libations to   
            trees, adorning burial sites with leaves, acorns, and pine cones to honor those who have passed over.

Spellworkings of Mabon:
        – Protection, prosperity, security, and self-confidence. Also those of harmony and balance.

Deities of Mabon:
        – Goddesses-Modron, Morgan, Epona, Persephone, Pamona and the Muses. Gods-Mabon, Thoth, Thor, Hermes, and The Green Man.

Mabon is considered a time of the Mysteries. It is a time to honor Aging Deities and the Spirit World. Considered a time of balance, it is when we stop and relax and enjoy the fruits of our personal harvests, whether they be from toiling in our gardens, working at our jobs, raising our families, or just coping with the hussle-bussle of everyday life. May your Mabon be memorable, and your hearts and spirits be filled to overflowing!

 www.MoonSorce.com

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Autumn Equinox


Autumn Equinox

Happy Mabon – September 22, 2013, the Autumn Equinox. Celebratration of the Harvest – nourishment is essential for all life. As Thanksgiving gives thanks for America and her gifts, Mabon is a time of giving thanks for the World. Exchanging a few words of thankfulness for the food presented us and offer prayers for all people. Our Mabon consists of a dinner table with family and friends. We will say what our best and happiest Summer memories were and what we wish to happen this Fall. Chef Cheyenne will lead a blessing, lighting of the candles and a toasting ritual. We will toast our appreciation for the farmers, markets, cooks and nurturers. We will express our gratitude.

The light of candles cast their glow.

Love & Blessings XOX

Tara Sutphen

  ——————————————————————————–

Mabon
Autumn Equinox, 2nd Harvest, September 21st

Mabon, (pronounced MAY-bun, MAY-bone, MAH-boon, or MAH-bawn) is the Autumn Equinox. The Autumn Equinox divides the day and night equally, and we all take a moment to pay our respects to the impending dark. We also give thanks to the waning sunlight, as we store our harvest of this year’s crops. The Druids call this celebration, Mea’n Fo’mhair, and honor the The Green Man, the God of the Forest, by offering libations to trees. Offerings of ciders, wines, herbs and fertilizer are appropriate at this time. Wiccans celebrate the aging Goddess as she passes from Mother to Crone, and her consort the God as he prepares for death and re-birth.

Various other names for this Lesser Wiccan Sabbat are The Second Harvest Festival, Wine Harvest, Feast of Avalon, Equinozio di Autunno (Strega), Alben Elfed (Caledonii), or Cornucopia. The Teutonic name, Winter Finding, spans a period of time from the Sabbat to Oct. 15th, Winter’s Night, which is the Norse New Year.

At this festival it is appropriate to wear all of your finery and dine and celebrate in a lavish setting. It is the drawing to and of family as we prepare for the winding down of the year at Samhain. It is a time to finish old business as we ready for a period of rest, relaxation, and reflection.

Symbolism of Mabon:
        – Second Harvest, the Mysteries, Equality and Balance.

Symbols of Mabon:
        – Wine, gourds, pine cones, acorns, grains, corn, apples, pomegranates, vines such as ivy, dried seeds, and horns of plenty.

Herbs of Maybon:
        – Acorn, benzoin, ferns, grains, honeysuckle, marigold, milkweed, myrrh, passionflower, rose, sage, solomon’s seal, tobacco, thistle, and vegetables.

Foods of Mabon:
        – Breads, nuts, apples, pomegranates, and vegetables such as potatoes, carrots, and onions.

Incense of Mabon:
        – Autumn Blend-benzoin, myrrh, and sage.

Colors of Mabon:
          – Red, orange, russet, maroon, brown, and gold.

Stones of Mabon:
        – Sapphire, lapis lazuli, and yellow agates.

Activities of Mabon:
        – Making wine, gathering dried herbs, plants, seeds and seed pods, walking in the woods, scattering offerings in harvested fields, offering libations to   
            trees, adorning burial sites with leaves, acorns, and pine cones to honor those who have passed over.

Spellworkings of Mabon:
        – Protection, prosperity, security, and self-confidence. Also those of harmony and balance.

Deities of Mabon:
        – Goddesses-Modron, Morgan, Epona, Persephone, Pamona and the Muses. Gods-Mabon, Thoth, Thor, Hermes, and The Green Man.

Mabon is considered a time of the Mysteries. It is a time to honor Aging Deities and the Spirit World. Considered a time of balance, it is when we stop and relax and enjoy the fruits of our personal harvests, whether they be from toiling in our gardens, working at our jobs, raising our families, or just coping with the hussle-bussle of everyday life. May your Mabon be memorable, and your hearts and spirits be filled to overflowing!

Full Singing Moon


 

Full Singing Moon

By Tara Sutphen

The Full Singing Moon (Celtic) at 26* Pisces will culminate Sept 19, 2013 4:14am PDT/ 1:14am EDT.

This Full Singing Moon is about looking deeply into your own inner looking glass. Who did you want to be when you grew up, and are you making out okay or do you need to back up and revise a little. What mistakes need to be cast adrift. What do you need to change about you. How do you go back to living genuine days that turn into authentic years. How do you reopen your mind’s eye and creativity. Your talents and skills, are you using them. This Full Moon is looking into your secret aspects and casting light on what needs to come back and enliven your life. This moon is not about love or other people, it’s about your understanding of your instincts, survival mechanisms and what makes you who you are…Coming as close as we can to the soul’s destiny and what goals you have chosen in this life.

It’s never too late to take up a musical instrument, learn to dance, or taking classes on any subject. Until we are off the planet, learning and study keeps us youthful and motivated to participate in the every day world. The way to work our spirit is to have an idea of what we want and why we want it, voicing our desires and moving towards the goal. But every little vision starts in the darkness, whether it ever see’s the light of day is for us to encourage ourselves into confidence. Of course many of our ideas that lay around in the shadows aren’t realistic, but when did practicality ever have anything to do with a dream coming true.

Journal Questions:

What do you feel the looking glass is for you

  1. Are you seeing a self-made movie
  2. Are you feeling fearful or fulfilled about your future
  3. Explain your feelings
  4. Is it a knowing and deep trust that you have a looking glass and can measure the future
  5. Or are you listening to yourself

Are you feeling mystified

  • why

How can you get unstuck

  1. Voice your opinions
  2. Time management
  3. Study skills
  4. Move your body in action

 

 Is there a secret wish you would like to see come to light

  • Why

Is your life meaningful in

  • Love
  • Career
  • Job
  • Health
  • Relationships
  • Friendships
  • Happiness
  • Exercise

     

 Within your spirit and the looking glass, how can you enhance your life – be fanciful if you like

  • Spiritually
  • Emotionally
  • Intellectually
  • Materially
  • Physically

When we spark our inner light, and recognize the miracle of our creation – we can be born of many talents. Every area of our lives should be fulfilled. It is the bounty of the earth, and our birth right. We may not be able to run ourselves ragged by being perfectionists, but the few skills, talents and hobbies we know will bring joy into our well-being. There is no trying to have a good to great life, we create every day with our thoughts and actions. Sorce to be…

And a quote from the biggest dreamer of us all:

“A person should set his goals as early as he can and devote all his energy and talent to getting there. With enough effort, he may achieve it. Or he may find something that is even more rewarding. But in the end, no matter what the outcome, he will know he has been alive.” ~Walt Disney (American motion-picture Produce. 1901-1966)

 

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Unlock your Creative Flow

Ritual of the Nine Muses

USD $ 14.99

Meditation By Tara Sutphen


“Zing”  — a Magic entering the Mind … Ideas form into thoughts and daydreams.

Muses spark the creative process and stimulate one’s endeavors into fitting ventures. Overcome your obstructions, whether lacking confidence or intangible concepts. Sometimes we can get lost in indefinable and elusive development. In Greek Mythology the Muses gave inspiration to everyone and granted wishes. They have encouraged artists since antiquity, acknowledged for their importance in resourceful innovation and formation.

In this meditation each Muse will grant you her gift, guiding you toward greater resourcefulness and motivation. The Muses inspire inception to the completion of an urge, starting projects from outset to finish. Search for variety of the inner you and your talents, bring your childhood desires into reality. Have you been struggling and need extra support? Let the Muses encourage you in the direction of a greater fate. 30 Minutes.

TS490 — $14.99 ( MP3 FILE )

 

Painting by Susan Seddon Boulet 1941-1997


 

Happy September XOX


Full Moon Sept 18, 2013

Overcoming Loneliness Spell

1 white candle

1 mirror

1 wand (optional)…

 

Look into the mirror and say aloud each sentence

 

I,my name, open myself to receive goodwill from others

I, in turn, deem goodwill on others

I know to listen, I know to speak

I ask questions

I am without judgement

I, in turn, deem compassion

I know when to say yes or no in all situations

I set out to be a friend, as well as make friends

I recognize my worthiness in the mirror

 

Point North

I Cast Intent, I deserve friendships

 

Love & Blessings,

Tara Sutphen

*NEW Kaleidoscope DVD Meditations – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGnO64MNWlM

 

“Zing”  — a Magic entering the Mind … Ideas form into thoughts and daydreams.

Muses spark the creative process and stimulate one’s endeavors into fitting ventures. Overcome your obstructions, whether lacking confidence or intangible concepts. Sometimes we can get lost in indefinable and elusive development. In Greek Mythology the Muses gave inspiration to everyone and granted wishes. They have encouraged artists since antiquity, acknowledged for their importance in resourceful innovation and formation.

In this meditation each Muse will grant you her gift, guiding you toward greater resourcefulness and motivation. The Muses inspire inception to the completion of an urge, starting projects from outset to finish. Search for variety of the inner you and your talents, bring your childhood desires into reality. Have you been struggling and need extra support? Let the Muses encourage you in the direction of a greater fate. 30 Minutes.

TS490 — $14.99 ( MP3 FILE )

www.moonsorce.com

 

 

OCTOBER 17, 2013

Sedona Moon Celebration

 

The gathering will be held in the heart of Sedona, Arizona. Location upon Registration. Moon Celebration fee: $35.00 usd –
http://tarasutphen.com/70.html

 


 

Sedona Mystic Training
with Tara Sutphen
Oct 19 & 20, 2013

http://tarasutphen.com/41.html


The Mystic Training is learning to sorce.  An occult power class to learn “Sorcery” — how to “sorce” answers and awareness as in the ancient Egyptian Mystery Schools.  You will learn to use the power and energy of the Universe and to be at one with that power.  Tara will help you to unblock your psychic centers and assist you to make contact with your Spirit Guides and Higher-Self, to channel, automatic write, use unique Tarot techniques, and access the path of your true destiny — opening to the deepest and most powerful part of yourself.  We’ll also tap into excellence and merit through the exploration of psychic connection with the other side. Insight leads us out of vagueness.  Not everyone seeks to decipher past blunders or catch a glimpse of the future as it might unfold, but those who do want to search for meaning to their dilemmas and gain confidence to live an important and rewarding life. Opening the five senses leads to deeper-consciousness.

 
 

Learning to manifest the splendor in all things, we want our relationships, love, success, happiness, family, great health, money, knowledge, wisdom to be the best it can be.  Tara will help you unblock your psychic centers and assist you to make contact with your Mystics, Spirit Guides and Higher-Self for guidance. Included: Meditations, Life-Force Activation, Sorcing techniques, class discussions, and clarification. Join Tara and a small group of fellow travelers who will work together to create a magical and mystical weekend filled with deep learning of personal and universal mysteries. Tara Sutphen is a modern Master of the occult sciences, having proved over and over again her ability to communicate with the dead, to obtain psychic answers, and predict coming events.

 
 

Fees & Location
The fee us $495 per person. There is a non-refundable (but transferable) deposit of $75 to ensure your place in the seminar. Seminar hours at 10-5 PM both days. Final registration is 9 to 10 AM on Saturday morning. The seminar will take place at the Sedona Creative Life Center, 333 Schnebly Hill Road, Sedona, AZ 86336. Phone 928-282-9300.

 Website: www.sedonacreativelife.com/ The center is the ideal New Age gathering place, but it is not a hotel. So stay at any Sedona area hotel you like. They range from reasonable to four star-elegant.

 
 

Registration, Payment or Information
info@tarasutphen.com

 

http://tarasutphen.com/41.html

 

 

“New” Kaleidoscope Meditation DVDs

http://tarasutphencds.com/html/taralifeforce.html

These Meditations encourage relaxation while generating single-pointed concentration. Through the latest in Brain-Mind technologies you can coach the mind to benefit through goal programming while working to eliminate issues and blocks. When initiating composed affirmations, you’re asking your mind to facilitate an overall sense of well-being and to build confidence. Our programs are to help stimulate you to be awake on the inside while acquiring a natural flow toward living the live you long to live. Whether processing through direct auditory perception or shifting in energy recognition, when we take the time to balance our inner nature, we give ourselves permission to succeed. We offer many varieties of audio-visual meditations, from straight forward suggestions to story tale analysis. While participating in these exercises we hope to increase your inner resources, motivate you to succeed and direct you to release every day stress.

Overcoming Loneliness Spell

Overcoming Loneliness Spell

Overcoming Loneliness Spell

1 white candle
1 mirror
1 wand (optional)

Look into the mirror and say aloud each sentence

I,my name, open myself to receive goodwill from others
I, in turn, deem goodwill on others
I know to listen, I know to speak
I ask questions
I am without judgement
I, in turn, deem compassion
I know when to say yes or no in all situations
I set out to be a friend, as well as make friends
I recognize my worthiness in the mirror

Point North
I Cast Intent, I deserve friendships

Success Spell

Success Spell

Success Spell

2 Gold Candles
(Gold = Real Money)

Wand (optional)

Repeat after Me

I, your name, will unblock my path to success
I will build my confidence
I will dream real dreams
I will voice my solutions
I will take necessary steps to make my dreams a reality

Drip one candle into each other

Point North – saying:

I Cast Intent – I Deserve Success

http://www.moonsorce.com

True Nature of An Adult Relationship

dianeharveywhitephotos

True Nature of An Adult Relationship
By Diane Harvey White

How do we begin having an adult relationship with our parents? And why is it such a difficult transition to make? The teenage years are so focused on cutting the ties and being considered an adult, but I don’t remember feeling particularly adult and I know my parents wouldn’t have thought of me that way. Yet I wasn’t a child either and they at least did me the service of not treating me as one. So what defines this realignment with the people who brought us into the world? A mutual sharing of ideas? Respect for each others opinions? Or coming to terms with the decisions they made on our behalf with the knowledge they had at the time?
It’s popular to think that our parents are wholly responsible for any emotional hurt that we may suffer, but as parenthood doesn’t come with a handbook can they always be found guilty for simply approaching life in the only way they thought possible? Or for repeating the upbringing they had themselves?
As a child I was pretty scared of my father. He was always angry, seemingly with me. I never seemed to be good enough. He yelled a lot and if any phrase summed up how I thought he viewed me, it was “put a smile on your face”. He never attended any of my ballet shows, parents evenings, or art exhibitions and his actions showed me he had no interest in the things I loved. He made no effort to know me at all and to be honest, I did wonder what it would be like having no father, because he was never there for me and certainly not emotionally. As I grew older, I resented him terribly, hated the way his lack of involvement had made me feel inadequate. And as I entered my adult years, I realised I had no constructive way of dealing with anger. I didn’t know how to stand up for myself and express my annoyance without completely breaking down. I found myself dating men I didn’t much like, but couldn’t say no, because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings and thus provoke their anger.
For a time I was hugely angry with my father. It really consumed me and the slightest mention of family relationships would be like a fire starter beneath me. I was totally unable to consider that there might have been reasons for the way my father was and then one day, when I was staying with them for a weekend, my father let slip that he didn’t actually like his job.
He’d been running the family business since I was five, was responsible for the livelihoods of seven to ten staff and supporting our family and his mother. He felt he was powerless to do the things he really wanted, that the choices he had were dictated by circumstance and not by desire. His life was playing out for the needs of others and not for himself. In essence, he felt trapped and resentful. It didn’t make how he had behaved toward me as a child any easier, but it did make it understandable. As children we can never really know why adults behave the way they do. We’re learning about the world and it is their wisdom – or the lack of it – that dictates what we know. But I now had an understanding of what had driven his actions and this allowed me to accept them. And suddenly, I felt I was having an adult relationship with my parents.
My mothers family were more volatile, she and her siblings still, to this day fight for supremacy. They compete for attention among themselves and frequently have periods where one or the other of them isn’t talking. Over the years it has felt like she needed me to parent her, that her family life left her feeling so vulnerable that I, somehow, protected her against their pettiness. And this was a pattern that we fell into with my father as well.
It was a role that seemingly evolved as I entered my late teens; it was just assumed that I would ‘be on her side’ against her siblings, or my father. And it felt so much easier standing up for my mother than it did for myself. How was it that I was able to talk on her behalf – but not on my own? It was an interesting contrast, ignored by one parent and used as a buffer by the other. At the time I suppose I felt flattered and valued to be so important to my mother, but it did place a weight on my shoulders that I didn’t fully understand.
What I did want though, was to understand the dynamics between the three of us. The relationships always felt so intense and that didn’t make sense either because I lived 300 miles away at that stage (I was to move further.) so again I turned to past life regression to give me insight. I was already curious about why our relationships had developed the way they had but as I seemed to need to question the way we were, I suppose the underlying desire was to make sure I didn’t repeat the same mistakes when I became a parent.
Again I used techniques given to me by Tara Sutphen and my other wonderful teacher Tabaash, channeled by Blair Styra and went within to learn about the present. The wonderful thing about seeing events unfold in a regression meditation is that there is no sense of anxiety, the detachment allows you to view the events rather as you would a television drama, except that you are one of the stars. For this topic though, I didn’t ask specific questions, I wanted more of an overview and because I put the desire out there, I still get flashes of insight, years after that first session. I imagine this is because my understanding continues to grow.
And I saw many lifetimes together as part of a family group, many occasions when one or the other parent and I had been romantically linked and a couple where the lifetime had ended with accidental death caused by one or the other of us. Curiously, there were fewer lifetimes with my mother, but many with my father. Obviously more issues to work through between us, then!
After the meditation sessions I wondered quite how to use this information, because the experiences were one sided – I knew things about my parents that they wouldn’t understand and that my father, certainly, would ridicule. So I needed to trust that my knowledge would inspire the changes I hoped for and that if I changed my approach to our relationships, that my parents in turn would change their attitudes. And let me say with my father change happens slowly…
The first thing I did was to start calling them by their christian names, to put us all on a level playing field. It was a little odd, but neither of them seemed to mind. And it helped! Then I had a conversation with my mother about how I needed to choose when to be in her corner and to have a relationship with my father that was more inclusive. She found that more difficult, but I’ve made the effort to stay detached from her competitive side and have come to love speaking to my father on the phone. Our conversations are so rich in content and over the years, I feel I’ve gotten to know him – because I live so far away.
As time has gone by I’ve been able to see that both my parents have qualities I value enormously and I have for them now, in my forties, a respect that I couldn’t have imagined when I was younger.
We don’t always see eye to eye, there’s nothing like going through a divorce to divide family loyalties, but I know that with time, they’ll adapt to the situation and now more than ever, I know they love me. That was what I wanted to know when I started exploring our relationship and maybe that is the true nature of an adult relationship, accepting that we all express emotions differently and making allowances for that.

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Diane Harvey White is the founder of Sew-Easy Costumes http://www.sew-easycostumes.co.uk/

contact Diane – enquiries@sew-easycostumes.co.uk

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